Christmas Movies For Grinches

It is tradition every Christmas to watch a movie as a family together to celebrate Christmas. Unfortunately, most of the movies traditionally watched are underwhelming to say the least. There are only so many times you can force yourself to watch ‘Elf’ while maintaining your sanity.

Very few of these “Christmas” movies have anything to do with Christmas other than the fact that they happen to be set at that time. So, if your family made the mistake of letting you pick a “Christmas” Movie, here are some picks that I would recommend:

1. Batman Returns

Nothing screams Christmas like Danny DeVito playing a deformed man raised by penguins who has a bad habit of aggressively biting others. Yes, that’s right, this is a Batman movie starring Danny DeVito as the Penguin. Direct by Tim Burton, this film follows Batman (Micheal Keaton) trying to prevent Penguin from becoming mayor of Gotham City. Meanwhile a meek secretary called Selina Kyle (Michelle Pfeiffer), after almost being killed, decides to become Catwoman.

Interestingly this film seems to flip back and forth on whether it wants to be a kids film or a film for adults, which leads to a more interesting viewing experience. For example, there is no cursing, but Catwoman is highly sexualised, and batman has seemingly given up on the no killing rule. This naturally leads to a very strange viewing experience, almost like watching the Peppa Pig with cursing dubs.

The actors are phenomenal in the roles. While you are probably expecting stupid laughs as Danny Devito as the Penguin, he conquers the role and you will immediately forget who the actor is while he is on screen. Similarly, Michelle Pfeiffer magnificently disappears into her role as the Catwoman.

But let’s be real, I probably sold you on this one once I said Danny DeVito as the penguin.

2. Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon is a buddy cop action film that defies conventions of films set during Christmas by having the primary white substance not be snow. This film's stars Mel Gibson as a mentally unstable but brilliant Police officer with a love for danger and also Danny Glover as veteran police officer eagerly waiting for retirement. Naturally, this mismatch ends in rather entertaining chaos.

Mel Gibson is highly effective in his performance as I had no doubts for any moment that his character was insane, yet his performance was so compelling that I could never take my eyes off of him during his performance. Danny Glover’s role is not as chaotic and entertaining, but he acts as a brilliant foil to Mel Gibson which indirectly makes the film far more entertaining. They also have great chemistry together and as a result are highly entertaining to watch. Yet during the serious scenes where they touch on Mel Gibson’s character’s metal health, they both do amazing performances displaying that they are highly capable actors despite the fact that this isn’t exactly the most prestigious genre of film.

This film is exactly what you would expect from, pure chaos action comedy for 2 hours, but it is executed very well, making it a fun and memorable ride.

3. Die Hard

I couldn’t write an article on alternative Christmas movies without naming the one that inspired this article. Die Hard follows John McClane (Bruce Willis), a detective who in attempt to reconcile with his estranged wife (Bonnie Bedelia), shows up in her workplace during her office party. Unfortunately, a terrorist group shows and holds everyone hostage and threaten to kill hostages if the police enter. But they soon realize after discovering McClane’s presence that he is not stuck in there with them, but they are stuck in there with him. Honestly, there’s not that much to say about it that people don’t know already, so I won’t waste your time by restating the obvious. This film is the iconic alternative Christmas movie and with damn good reason.

But before I finish up, I would like to sneak in some honourable mentions, because I am not very good at shutting up when I am writing about something I like.

Batman and Robin

Batman and Robin is the worst film I have ever seen. It is most notable for having Arnold Schwarzenegger play Mr Freeze with awful unrelenting ice puns. It was so bad that it somehow managed to make my brain snap and be uncapable of logical thought to the point I actually enjoyed it. I look back at it positively despite the fact that it was a trainwreck of a movie. But be warned, this film is truly unforgettable, despite how hard you may try.

Die Hard 2

Die Hard 2 follows another disaster involving John McClane and terrorists at Christmas, but this time in an airport. If you liked Die Hard, you’ll probably like this also, because it is largely more of the same. But given how good the first one was, that isn’t a complaint.

Mr Robot Season 4

Mr Robot is a tv show that follows a cybersecurity expect called Elliot (Rami Malek). He discovers a hacker group run by the mysterious Mr Robot (Christian Slater) determined to take down E-Corp, a large conglomerate that Elliot believes are responsible for much of the evil in this world. It is a brilliant artistic tv show with strong characters, plot and cinematography. But the reason I am discussing it here is 7 of the 13 episodes take place during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The two set before Christmas Eve also have Christmas stuff taking place in the backdrop. The creator (and season director) even described the season as 'One Very Long Christmas Special'. This is a show I highly recommend in general, even ignoring the Christmas aspect.

So that’s my movie (and tv) recommendations to make the holidays a bit more bearable for Grinches like myself. I’m personally going to watch the Nightmare before Christmas as it is the closest thing to a horror movie for Christmas time that my family will agree to watch. So, to all my fellow grinches, I

wish you the best of luck surviving Christmas and hopefully this list can make the holidays tolerable (or maybe even somewhat fun).